dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
