i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize