Only a mothe r could love this liver
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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