Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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