cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
