I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
