i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
