Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
