If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize