It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
