I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
