I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need to align my fucking chakras
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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