my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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