shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Randomize