It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize