Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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