I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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