btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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