I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
