:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
