Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How does one acquire holy water?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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