Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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