she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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