He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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