I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
