I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
