We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
