so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
