Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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