I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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