Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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