she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
