I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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