she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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