Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
