and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
