I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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