don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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