don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
