I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
