I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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