i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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