Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
