somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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