And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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