3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
