I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
