Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
