I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
