I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize