Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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