So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
