How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
