Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Watching her eat just hurts me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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