I will die if light touches me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
