found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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