half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We are two peas in an std pod
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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