PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
