Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
