I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
