D3 body, D1 cock
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
