There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize