john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
