When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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