I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
