cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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