I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
