Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
