I think I am morally bankrupt
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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