Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
