Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
