sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
