I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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