I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
